During the course of the match each golfer will be competing against their opponent for a total of four points.  Two points are awarded for Match Play, and two points are awarded for Stroke play.

Match Play - In match play, each hole is a separate competition. The player with the fewest strokes on an individual hole wins that hole; the player winning the most holes wins the match. Match Play points are awarded for the golfer wining the most holes.  Handicap strokes are assigned based on the handicap rating for the hole as reflected on the course scorecard.  Two points are awarded to the golfer that wins the most holes.   In the event of a tie each golfer is awarded one point.

Stroke Play - In stroke play, the golfer counts each stroke taken on a hole, until the ball is in the cup. Those strokes are written down on the scorecard. At the end of the round, the strokes taken on each hole played are added together for the total strokes.  Handicap strokes are deducted from scores to determine the golfer’s net score. Two points are awarded to the golfer with the lowest net score.   In the event of a tie each golfer is awarded one point.

Team Play - Handicaps are used to determine which golfer you compete against during the match.  The low handicap golfer from team A will compete against the low handicap golfer from team B.   The high handicap golfer from team A will compete against the high handicap golfer from team B.  If both golfers on a team have identical handicaps they must identify which opponent they are playing before teeing off. If both golfers on both teams have identical handicaps they must agree on which opponent they are playing before teeing off.

If a single golfer is representing team A, that golfer can compete against both golfers from team B, however, said golfer can only be awarded a maximum of five points.  In the event that no golfers represent team A, each golfer from Team B is automatically awarded one point for playing blind.  Team B’s scorecard will be matched against a randomly selected card to determine the number of additional points that will be awarded.  A team competing blind with two golfers can be awarded a maximum of eight points.  A team competing blind with one golfer can be awarded a maximum of five points.

League Rules of Play

All rules of play are PGA with the following exceptions.

1.    Winter rules means that you are entitled to a good lie if your ball is in the fairway of the hole you are playing.  If the preceding is true, you may adjust the lie of your ball with your club head.  In all other instances you must play the ball as it lies.

2.    In order to speed up play, you may drop, with penalty, at any point of the flight of the ball where a lateral hazard or lateral out of bounds in encountered. 

3.    In order to speed up play, you may drop, with penalty, when a ball is lost, without returning to the previous spot.

4.    In order to speed up play all golfers That use the white tees may move up one tee position, to the green tees, when playing the 4th, 12th and 16th holes.  If you normally play from the yellow or red tees you will not advance. 

Play ready golf.  If the golfer that is away cannot hit their ball for some reason, it is not only acceptable to play your shot it is recommended. 

Putt out.   When you miss a putt and leave the ball within four feet from the hole you should not mark your ball.  The foursome behind you is dependent upon you to make sure that they finish while there is still daylight remaining.

Survivor Golf Rules

Survivor Golf is intended to add a team competition to the golf league. The concept is mine, I stole it from reality TV, but it should encourage golfers to make as many rounds as possible, use substitutes whenever they can, and add a healthy layer of competition to the weekly schedule.  Each team will start in the survivor golf pool.  The object is to remain in the pool until all other teams have been eliminated. 

Each week at least one team will be eliminated from the survivor golf pool.  A team will be eliminated based on their Survivor Golf Rating, which will be computed using the scores from their normal round.  The formula used to compute the Survival Golf Rating is defined in agonizing detail below. 

Your team cannot be eliminated because Bernie has decided to vote you off.  We will not vote teams off, but if we did, we all know that Bernie would be the first one eliminated.

Once a team has been eliminated they cannot re-enter the survivor golf pool.

Computing the weekly Survivor Golf Rating (SGR)

Teams will play their normal golf matches.  Survivor golf will not change the way the weekly match is played or scored.  No points will be awarded to any team based on the concept of survivor golf.  The weekly schedule will be modified to identify which teams are still in the survivor golf pool.

At the end of each round the team’s Survivor Golf Rating will be calculated for each surviving team based on the teams combined net scores. If only one member of a team plays, that players net score will be doubled to obtain the team’s survivor score.  If a substitute is used, the net score of the sub will be used, however bonus points will be applied to your Survivor Golf Rating.  Sub bonus points will be awarded based on the sub’s handicap.  1 bonus point will be awarded if the sub’s handicap is between 0 and 14 (inclusive), 2 bonus points are awarded if the sub has a handicap between 15 and 19 (inclusive) and 3 bonus points are awarded if the sub has a handicap of 20 or above.  Sub bonus points will be deducted from your combined net scores to determine you Survivor Golf Rating.  If one sub is used to fill in for both league golfers, the sub’s net score will be doubled, however, bonus points will only be applied once.   If two substitutes are utilized the bonus points for each sub will be applied based on their handicaps.

How Teams Are Eliminated

Each week one or more teams will be eliminated.   The easiest way to be eliminated is to not show up. Teams that do not show up and that do not have substitutes will automatically be eliminated from the Survivor Golf Pool. If a surviving team fails to play a match and fails to have at least one substitute they will automatically be eliminated at the end of that round.  If multiple teams meet this no-show criteria they will all be eliminated and no team will be eliminated the following week(s), until the number of teams is again equal to the number of remaining weeks.

If all surviving teams participate, the team with the highest Survivor Golf Rating (SGR) will be eliminated.  In the event of a tie, the number of points earned that week will be used as the first tiebreaker. The team with the fewest points won would be eliminated.  If the teams are still tied, a match of cards will be used as the second tiebreaker.  The cards would be matched against each other to see which team won the most points.  If the teams are still tied we will go back to the previous week’s Survivor Golf Rating and follow the same tiebreaker process.

The Survivor Golf Winning Team

The sole remaining team at the end of the year will be the survivor golf champion, and in addition to the high degree of prestige they will have earned, they will also be recognized handsomely at the league wrap up event.   

Golfing With The Stars Rules

Ralph promised “Golfing With The Stars” so we are going to have “Golfing With The Stars”.  How do we do “Golfing With The Stars”?  Well first off we needed to get some stars.  Ralph couldn’t even get a star from his third grade teacher, but I understand that he did get something else.  We tried contacting several stars and got some pretty strange answers.  Madonna couldn’t make it.  She is going to India to adopt a child.  We also heard rumors that she was having trouble with her home computer.  Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Nicole Ritchie all couldn’t make it.  

Arnold Swartzenegger has a gig going in California and couldn’t make it. Shaquille O’Neal said that he would play but his golf clubs didn’t reach the ground. Tom Arnold called us and volunteered to come but we told him we were booked solid. This means that we need to make our same old (I do mean old) regular golfers stars for a temporary period.  So you can become a star, and once you are a star, you and your opponent for the week become eligible for “Golfing With The Stars” points.  The golfer with the most “Golfing With The Stars” points at the end of the year is the “Golfing With The Stars” champion.  Seems easy enough.

At this point you may say to yourself, “How can I become a Star”.  Easy enough to explain, all you need to do is shoot good.  The three golfers with lowest net score in week one, will be stars for week two.  Their week two matches will be “Golfing With The Stars” star point matches.  This means that if you can still win any points, after your handicap has been punished for you playing well, they count as “Golfing With The Stars” points.  You are eligible to win four points and your opponent or opponents are also eligible to win four points.  If you opponents do not show up for your match you win one GWTS point automatically and can win up to three more by matching cards But I honestly cannot imagine someone not wanting to play nine holes with a star like you?

So if you are say Charlie, you might ask yourself “How can I, Charlie, rig this thing so that I get the most points and win this stupid thing?”.  The answer is that you really can’t.  Some golfers will have multiple “Golfing With The Stars” matches while other golfers may not have any.  The only way that you can make sure that you have a “Golfing With The Stars” match is by winning low net.  Keep in mind that if you win low net your handicap is going to look like the stock index.  This will make it hard for you to win “Golfing With The Stars” points.

Now the only other thing that I can image someone asking is what happens if two stars play each other.  The correct answer is that they are playing in a “Double Star Golfing with the Stars Match”.  In this case the points will be not be doubled as you might expect to help keep everyone else in the competition. Each star will be eligible to win as many as four GWTS points.

So the rules in a nutshell are:

1.   A minimum of three golfers with the lowest net scores will become stars and play in GWTS matches the following week.

2.   In the event of low net ties we will have more than three stars the following week.

3.   Star status will only last one week, unless you again place in the top three in low net.

4.   Stars and their opponents are the only ones eligible to win GWTS points.

5.   If a star cannot play his or her match the following week, all GWTS are forfeited unless Tom Arnold shows up uninvited.

6.   GWTS points are awarded according to league rules of play for match and stroke play.

7.   If two stars are playing each other the following week GWTS point totals will not be doubled, and league points will remain the same.

8.   Stars for each week will be identified on the weekly standings and schedule.

9.   GWTS point totals will also be identified on the schedule.

Golfing With The Schmucks Rules

The golfing with the schmucks rules are basically the inverse of the golfing with the stars rules. Each week we will identify a minimum of three players with the highest net score from the previous week. If you are playing against a schmuck, or if you happen to be a schmuck, then you are playing for schmuck points.  If you win your match you don't get the schmuck points, because the object here is not to be a schmuck.  If you lose you accumulate schmuck points and the individual with the greatest number of schmuck points at the end of the regular season will be our Golfing with the Schmucks champion. Which is truly not an honor.  You will get recognized at the wrap up Tournament but not in a good way. In fact it is most likely that you won't even be there because it might be hard to find people willing to play with the Schmuck champion.

One thing to remember is that schmuck points will not have a negative impact on your star points.  If you are playing in a match for both star and schmuck points it will be possible to split the match and get 2 schmuck points and 2 star points at the same time.  But the real thing here is to remember not to be a schmuck and if you are playing in a schmuck match you really should try to win it.

If you are scheduled to play as a schmuck and you are unable to be there for your match we would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you. You just won 4 schmuck points. You can't weasel out of schmuck points by not showing up. You win 4 points in ab-stench-ia.